No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
