im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
