It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
