Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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