Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
