omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
