I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
