Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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