omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
