he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
