when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
