they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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