Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
