Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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