Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
