I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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