ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
