Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
