His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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