I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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