I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
