one might say we're banned from that church
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
