hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
