She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
