if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
