Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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