I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
