I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
