your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
