i was born a porn star she said
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
