The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
