My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
