I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
