I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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