I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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