he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
