"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
