It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
