this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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