Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
