i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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