pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
