Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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