i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
