This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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