If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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