I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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