I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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