My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
