I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
