we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what day is it and did you see me today?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
