I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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